A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with my son about his roommate. More accurately, we talked about an issue that he was having with his roommate’s hygiene. Without totally grossing you out here’s the synopsis.

The Gift He Didn’t Not Want

My son went to take a shower after the morning practice. After entering the bathroom, he was welcomed by a malodorous scent. Accompanying the putrid smell was a present floating in the toilet. And of course when I say present, I in no way meant to suggest that there was a desired gift, reward or donation a float in the toilet. Rather, as I hope is obviously apparent, my son’s roommate had a “bowel movement” and he had not flushed before exiting the bathroom.

As my son went on and on pontificating about how rude his roommate was and what an unpleasant experience this episode had been, I did my best to listen intently. However, I have to admit that I felt a little bit like Charlie Brown trying to listen to his teacher. I heard what my son said but part of my mind drifted away. I began to ponder a couple other things.

Your Crap Stinks Too

Growing up we had an expression that reminded me of my son’s disturbing encounter. The expression was “don’t act like your $H_T don’t stank”. In the unlikely event that you have never heard this phrase, it means that you are no different from anyone else. Manure is manure, excrement is excrement and yours stinks just like everyone else’s.

For whatever reason, most people are under some strange illusion about the stench omitted from their own bowel movement. We often think that there is something pleasantly fragrant about our bodily release, as if ours smells of roses or freshly sprayed Glade air freshener. I can assure you this pleasant smelling perception is nothing more than a hallucination.

Don’t believe me? Think I’m wrong? Pay close attention the next time you prepare to exit the bathroom after having had a bowel movement. If there is someone waiting for you to come out so that they can get in, in the words of the late great Don Cornelius “you can bet your last money, it’s all gonna be a stone gas honey”.

For those not familiar with the creator, host and producer of Soul Train’s euphemistic communication style, I’ll translate for you what Don Cornelius meant in a Dick Clark sort of way. If you want to make a bet that you can’t lose put everything you own on this sure thing. Whoever the person is entering the bathroom after you have a bowel movement – that person will be holding their breath and profusely spraying room deodorizer as they make their way towards the toilet.

In actuality, the idiom “don’t act like your $H_T don’t stank” is not limited to bodily emissions as it also includes life’s omissions. This idiom signifies that your foul behaviors, offensive blunders and lapses in judgment are no less unpleasant or offensive just because they are made by you.

Our Crap is Equally Unappealing

As if it wasn’t enough for my son to express how badly the bathroom smelled – for whatever reason he was compelled to describe what he saw. Thanks! I mean really – I know what human excrement looks like. I see my own every day. I really did not need the description. Now that I think about it, I suppose you don’t need the description either. Oh well I’m sharing with you for the same reason I suppose my son shared with because I know that you would not want me to suffer alone.

At any rate, the insistence of the description of his roommate’s poop made me deliberate at least one other thing that I shared with him. I know you think highly of yourself but the cold hard reality is that your crap is your crap and while you may be accustomed to seeing it every day, your crap is just as unappealing to someone else as your roommates crap is displeasing to you.

For this reason, I reminded him that he had better make sure that he never forgets to flush the toilet. Moreover, I assured him that he had better make sure that all of his crap flushes completely every time before he leaves the bathroom. Otherwise, I warned, one day you could find yourself the subject of a similar conversation between your roommate and his parents.

Almost as soon that discussion concluded, I had another metaphorical thought about poop, crap and manure to share. In fairness to my son, this next expression was not something I felt applied to him – at least not at this particular moment. The expression is as simple as but no less subtle than the first idiom. I remembered the phrase “get your $H_T together”.

“Get your $H_T together” is not a reference to loose bowels or diarrhea. Rather it is an expression that quite candidly is applicable to just about every one of us. Most of us have an area or several areas for that matter of our life that is unorganized, chaotic and messy. On second thought “get your $H_T together” does sound a lot like diarrhea after all. The diarrhea of life.

Our own diarrhea of life causes us to continuously fail to address our unstable reality and acknowledge the general lack of constancy in our behavior. Far too often, we are so fixated and offended by the disorganization and inefficiencies in someone else’s life that we don’t take the time to see our life for what it is – equally if not more sloppy, objectionable and unmanageable.

As the expression infers, each of us would be well served if we took more time routinely examining our own crap. Upon closer inspection, we would quickly discover that our crap – our personal issues, our behaviors, our actions and our attitudes – looks just as displeasing if not more so than anyone else’s.

Before You Flush

Before you figuratively flush this post from your memory, there is one thing that I would like to ask of you. I would like to remind you of the importance of literally paying attention to your poop each day. Yes, I want you to observe your poop. There I said it. Check out your poop!

What you see and smell can also literally (size, shape, color and consistency) tell you a lot about your health.

While I am neither a medical doctor nor do I play one on TV, I do know that your bathroom habits including the number of occurrences and effort required when you go can provide substantive insight into your overall health. Knowing what you are seeing when you look in the toilet as well as what to look for might allow you to detect serious diseases and infections such as hepatitis, urinary tract infections, pancreatitis, cancer and others medical issues before they become major issues or life threatening health problems.

Now You Can Flush

Speaking of now, consider this the end of my PSA (Public Service Announcement). Hopefully you won’t forget that your crap stinks incredibly, that you often suffer from life diarrhea and that you should look at and smell your crap regularly because crap can both figuratively and literally tell you a great deal about you and your health.

Now, we are done, right? I don’t have to remind you to wipe as well do I?

For goodness sake, I mean talking to you about poop was challenging enough. Please let flushing be the last thing that I ever have to say on this subject.

---

Isn’t it time that you started addressing the areas of your life that are foul? Do you figuratively and literally examine your crap each day so that you can be around to be the best person you can possibly be for the longest time possible?

With the weekend approaching, I thought I might encourage you to do something life changing.

First of all, I suppose I should ask you if you would not only like to change your life but if you have the courage to do so. Sound almost like Mission Impossible doesn’t it?

I Am Very Happy To Be Here?

Maybe at present, you are exceptionally happy with your life. Perhaps your life is full of joy. Well then how about if I ask if you would like to simply improve your life. Even those who are happiest know that to remain happy one must continue to look for ways to improve ourselves and our life.

Maybe you have forgotten what it means to live. Maybe you think life consists of doing the same things Monday through Friday with a short respite on Saturday and Sunday only to do the same things all over again until you retire or worse expire. How about if I share with you some things that might help you remember what living is all about?

Reading is Fundamental

What I am going to prescribe is going to be extremely simple. It really isn’t going to be an impossible mission. There is one small caveat to my recommendation though, you are going to have to be willing to read.

When I say read, I don’t mean the thing you do when you read a blog (other than this one of course). I mean you are going to have to be prepared to read more than 400 to 600 words. There are not going to be any ridiculous titles with numbered lists or emotional words prescribing for you what you should think or feel.

Remarkably for many, it will be the first time in a while that you read something that will encourage you to think about where you are at this time in your life, where you once imagined that you would be at this time in your life and how to get wherever you truly want to be NOW in the unfortunate case that you are not there already.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho – The Alchemist is a short read. You can easily read this book in a few hours. By the time you watch a football game, a couple of episodes of your favorite “reality” TV show, drive to and from the theater to watch a movie…you could have read The Alchemist.

Without question, reading The Alchemist is well worth the time. Without giving away the theme of the book, The Alchemist instructs and prompts us to remember what it means to have a passion, a goal and a desire to achieve something – to be someone other than average.

The Alchemist jogs your memory reminding you to complete your journey which is your destiny even when those all around you attempt to dissuade you and tell you that your goals are merely unobtainable dreams.

Finally, The Alchemist will remind you to always keep your imagination alive, stay creative and have the courage to listen to your heart. When you are done reading The Alchemist you won’t need a reminder from anyone about keeping the faith in face of challenges nor about the importance of always following our dreams.

Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferris – The Four Hour Work Week is a bit longer read than The Alchemist. However, the book is broken up into short and easy to read chapters. My suggestion is that you review the table of contents and read those section first that appeal to you the most.

If you are like me, a parent who is convinced that as a society we do an underwhelming job as parents, I would especially encourage you to read the chapters on “outsourcing your life”, “escaping the office”, “mini-retirements” and “not to do lists”.

If you are like me, a person who believes that there has to be more to life than working 9 to 5 everyday, waiting for our annual two-week vacation, saving money in a 401(k) and hoping that we maintain our health or live long enough to enjoy an old age retirement - Mr. Ferris does an exceptional job of providing a blue-print to escape this treacherous “rat maze”. The Four Hour Work Week is the life design we need to show us how we can live the life The Alchemist reminds us we always wanted.

The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle – The Talent Code is not as it sounds. The book is not a book detailing the great feats of those we consider exceptionally gifted. Rather Mr. Coyle makes a scientific case that you can be among those the world considers exceptionally gifted if you are willing to use your God-given tools to the maximum ability.

The Talent Code specifies the three elements that work together to help you use your gifts to their maximum potential so that can achieve to unparalleled heights. For those of you who believe wherever you are is where you were destined to remain or that whatever you are is the best you could hope to be – The Talent Code dismantles this old misguided way of thinking. Thanks to Mr. Coyle, you can not only breathe a sigh of great relief but you can go ahead and do what you are fully capable of doing and being all that you are capable of being.

The Talent Code is reassurance that “average” people like you and me can achieve greatness if we are willing to change the way we think and follow the three-part instructions provided in this book. The Talent Code will equip you to reach your highest potential – the potential you first acknowledged when you were a child and again recognized after reading The Alchemist.

So that’s it. The aforementioned are the only three things I prescribe that you do this weekend.

Your mission should you decide to accept it, is to make your life the life you always dreamt but never imagined it could be. As always, should you or any of your children be discovered not living your life to your maximum God-given ability, The Raising Supaman Project will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This post will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck!

---

Do you function as if only other people can achieve at the highest levels? What will it take to get you to commit to living up to your full potential?

In my previous post, I shared the one thing that I was most proud of as a father. In this post, I want to take a few minutes to share something shocking. Now hold on tight as my admission will no doubt shake you to your core.

You ready? Here it goes. I’m not perfect. I have made plenty mistakes. And as a parent, I believe that I once made a huge mistake; perhaps the gravest mistake that any parent can make.

Wait Till Your Father Gets Home

One morning sitting at the table having breakfast, my then nine-year old son looked over at me and asked me a question and made a statement that profoundly affected me and my relationships with him to this very day. He asked “will I see you later today?” Without pausing to take a breath, he immediately followed up his question by saying “you are never at home anymore”. His combination of question and statement felt both strategic and purposeful, as he provided me no opportunity to contemplate his question or give some adult “logical” explanation.

About seven years before my son asked the question and made the statement, I started working for myself for the first time in my life. For the first three to five years of being self-employed, I literally had no idea what I was doing. So I did what a lot of entrepreneurs do – around year three of being self-employed – I took a second job.

My thought was that the other job would provide me with some income until I figured out being self-employed sufficiently. My theory was a good strategy or so I thought. It had to be okay. Lots of other parents were doing the same thing.

Moonlighting

However, in the winter of 2004 when my son asked me the question and made the statement, I was no longer a newbie to the world of the self-employed. I had now been self-employed for seven years.

In 2000, I accepted a position as an Adjunct Professor at a local university. I realized that I enjoyed teaching. My student evaluations indicated that I was pretty good at teaching. The fact that I enjoyed teaching, the favorable reviews by my students and what felt like easy money motivated me to continue accepting new teaching assignments.

To be honest, by 2004, I was no longer working the second job as a means to an end. I was working the second job primarily because of my personal gratification and selfishness rather than my original “big picture” objective to earn enough money to provide for my family.

Now that I am reflecting on the situation, I sense that my son somehow knew what I had yet to acknowledge. The time had come for me to put an end on moonlighting.

I heard him loud and clear that morning and decided as I was driving him to school that I would complete the teaching assignments I had previously committed to but that I would not accept any more assignments. I didn’t need any additional substantiation to change my behavior. My son’s words were convincing enough. Unfortunately, I would indirectly receive an up close and personal illustration of the importance of my son’s question and statement.

Out of Time

Right after New Year 2005, one of my closest childhood friends, lost his mother. I rushed home to be by his side, help him make funeral arrangements and do whatever he needed me to do.

For the first couple days, this man who was the strongest, most disciplined and determined man who I ever knew was cool, calm and collected. He handled all the funeral arrangements, put his mother’s personal affairs in order and he comforted his entire family allowing all of them to deal with their grief and despair. He was in a word unflappable.

Something changed when his mother’s casket was lowered into the ground. I will never forget that moment. This was the moment where I believe he realized for the first time that he was out of time. There would be no more moments to spend with his mother. There would be no future opportunities to do what he should have done previously.

Sensing that he was not prepared to be alone, I rode with him back to his home and stayed with him for more than a week. I guess it was kismet that my son had advised me to stop moonlighting a few weeks prior. Otherwise, I might have had to rush back to teach at the university.

While I was with my friend, not a day went by, sometimes not an hour went by where my pal wasn’t mumbling in tremendous anguish “I never made time”, “I was always so busy”, “I should have made time”… His words and demeanor were haunting to me. His words and demeanor told the story of his new and regrettable reality – a reality that he could not reverse or correct. His tears and sadness conveyed a wretched reality that anyone who loses someone they love can never escape and a reality that I could only imagine would disturb him every day for the rest of his life.

My Best Friend

Having been away from home for nearly two weeks, I left my childhood best friend to return home to be with my child who is my unquestionable best friend. When I returned, I believe that I was not only a changed but an improved man.

The pain and agony of my childhood best friend lived with me when I returned and lives with me to this day. Those days with my high school pal and witnessing the affect his loss had on him left me convinced of many things. The following are a few of those things that I would like to share with you:

1. Most Time Less is More – Rather than focusing on more stuff to give your child, turn your attention to not owing anyone so that you will be able to give your child more of what they need and crave – YOU. Who needs to work harder and longer to pay for a bigger house, newer car and more material possessions? The hard reality is that most material items are only distractions that take you away from doing and being what you should do more of – be your child’s parent.
2. Children Don’t Ask to Be Here – Children don’t give birth to themselves. Children don’t think themselves into existence. Men and women willingly, knowingly and actively participate in the creation of children. Children are in essence long-term house guests. To quote something my son told me at age two, “it is rude and foolish” to invite someone into your life, if you are not willing to unequivocally and unconditionally dedicate your life to them.
3. Be a Parent Not Have a Baby – Too often, I hear people expressing that they want to have a baby. When I hear these words, I cringe. I am of the opinion that those who express this desire of having a baby are like a punch drunk boxer – dazed and confused. Little girls ask for baby (dolls). Little boys ask for puppies. Both girls and boys are in some ways practicing their parenting skills. However, children are not toys to be dressed up, fed and put in a toy chest when you have something better to do. Nor are children little puppies who can be put on a leash, have cold food placed in a bowl and dropped off at the kennel when you no longer want to be bothered. Having a child is about one thing, being a parent. If you don’t understand what it means to be a parent, you are not qualified to have a child.

There were other things that I learned during the time I spent with my friend that I could share with you. Nonetheless, I’m just going to hope that you can try to remember just these three things.

If you are able to apply the aforementioned to your life, I believe that you might have the good fortune of avoiding one of my biggest parenting, life mistakes. Moreover, if you do apply these three things, it is probable that you will never have the regrets my friend had when he learned that the clock had expired on the remaining time he had to share with the person who loved him the most.

I cannot reiterate this often enough as it has stuck with me since that week that I spent by my friends’ side. The question is not if we will run out of time, the question is what will we do with the time that we have left? Make time while you have time! Make time now!

---

 

Are you spending your time doing things that will leave you and your child with regrets? Are you being an average parent like so many others or are you working at parenting the same way you work for a raise, promotion or new position?

More than a few times, I have been asked, “what’s the one thing you have done as a parent that you are most proud”. Each time that I am asked the question, I have given what feels like an insufficient response.

How do I pick just one thing?

The other day, I was confronted with the question again. Instead of answering quickly, I decided to reflect on the question. My first reflective thought was to say that I am proud of having given life to my son. Although, the reality is that I had little to do with the whole “life giving” process.

(I’ve got to be careful here as I don’t want to turn this into a sex education course or worse some adult conversation about the amount of time I participated in the conception process.)

What I meant is that men don’t normally get pregnant or have babies. Thus, saying giving birth to my son can’t be my proudest moment because me giving birth is an anatomical impossibility.

And yes, I’m aware that there is at least one incidence of a male giving birth to a child so maybe the correct terminology is anatomical impracticality. However, as far as I’m concerned – getting pregnant and having a baby is flat-out impossible.

To put it mildly, there is no way – in you know where – that I would ever want or consent to being pregnant. That ain’t happening. Thanks but no thanks!

So given my anatomical limitations and my firm perspective on never ever ever getting pregnant, the question remains unanswered. What’s the one thing that I did for my child that I am most proud?

Hello, Hello, Hello

Since I am forced to pick just one thing I will but the truth is that there are an abundance of things that I have done for my son for which I am proud. Thus, trying to limit my response to just one thing is difficult and maybe a tad bit disingenuous.

I don’t believe that I am alone in my perspective. I think any good parent will attest that over a child’s life they have done countless numbers of good things for their child. However, being forced to give just one response, I would have to that I am most proud of having introduced my son to Socrates.

Socratic Method

Of course you know that I didn’t really introduce my son to Socrates. To have done so would have required the ownership of a time machine. It would also require that you suspend your imagination to believe that my time machine actually worked. More importantly, you would have to believe that I would have wasted my time going to meet Socrates instead of going back each day to purchase a lottery ticket for tomorrow’s lottery. Trust me when I tell you, I would I be the lottery winner of every lottery, everyday, in every city and state all over the world for the foreseeable future .

Go ahead say it with me “Cha Ching”!

But if you insist on making that intellectual leap, believing in my time machine and believing that I would chose to write a post for this blog rather than becoming the wealthiest man in the world, I suppose you might as well close your eyes an imagine me being pregnant. Wait don’t do that! Please, open your eyes already! That’s just an atrociously hideous thought, me giving birth to a child. Uh no!

Is that image gone yet? I sure hope so. Now can we please dispense with fantasy and get back to the question at hand?

Father Knows Best

It turns out that what I’m most proud of is something that have tons of personal experience and is something that I suffered through and hated as a child. I’m most proud that I was able to introduce my son to an educational method that my father made me agonize over as a child.

Whenever I had to have a serious conversation, whenever there was something important to be discussed with my father, he would begin and end the conversation with a routine I once referred to as “Tommie’s Torture”. It wasn’t until I enrolled in law school that I learned that my father’s conversational cruelty custom was none other than a pedagogical method used by Socrates.

The Socratic Method - as I now know it - is a process of learning where the teacher refrains from providing any answers. Instead, the teacher just asks a series of questions - one question after another question after another question… And just when the pupil thinks they have answered the question sufficiently - you guessed it - the teacher asks another question. This repetitive question and answer session theoretically could last forever.

In the case of my conversations with my father, they didn’t theoretically last forever, they literally lasted forever. My father’s great inquisitions could begin at breakfast and go on all day and well into early morning the next day. If I seem a bit traumatized still, you’re right I am.

Fortunately for me, in law school, the Socratic Method generally only lasted the length of the class – an average of fifty minutes. Typically, when the Socratic Method is applied, there is an end to this diatribe of continual question and answer. That end usually occurs when the teacher and/or student are satisfied that the pupil has arrived at the intended state of enlightenment.

Child’s Play

Despite, my whining about my childhood and the lesser challenge of law school, I have to admit that this form of learning provided a greater understanding of the subject matter, offered a much deeper awareness of what education should be – enlightenment and reminded me just how little I actually knew about anything. Or as Socrates once said “I know that I don’t know anything, but the others don’t even know that“.

Up until this very moment, I thought that I had actually taught my son something. However, now that I think about it, my son – like all children – might have understood the Socratic Method from the very beginning.

In retrospect, the Socratic Method is actually the embodiment of small children. Small children question everything and seem dissatisfied with just about any answer an adult gives. Even an answer to what we believe is the simplest question might be met with a look of “come on you can do better than that”, “do you really expect me to believe that?” or “okay look, I was born three years ago at night but not last night”.

A parent of one of these miniature Socrates better hope and pray that the question is not complicated or one you have yet to contemplate because if it is you are going to quickly go from being the parent to the unsuspecting student of the Socratic Method. For example, if a child asks why the sky is blue, you better be prepared for a protracted conversation. You better know a lot about science, work for NASA or have a degree in Meteorology.

Question after question will be thrown at you until you know that the answer to not only why the sky is blue but the answers to why the moon is white, why the sun is yellow, why the sky is dark at night, why grass is green and so on. All of the typical parenting responses that you can give to teenage children – “because”, “I don’t know”, “ask your mother”, “ask your father”, “ask your teacher”, “can’t you see I’m busy right now” and “go watch TV” – will be found wanting.

Forever Young

When you get right down to it, the Socratic Method is really nothing more than childlike inquisitiveness. That being said, now I realize that I should answer the question by saying that what I am most proud of is that I didn’t diminish or destroy my son’s natural inquisitiveness.

Instead, I have always embraced my son’s twenty questions and returned his twenty questions with twenty answers and twenty-one questions of my own. The wonderful outcome of using the Socratic Method is that my son adopted the practice very early in life of learning for enlightenment and not merely as an educational requirement.

Today, he possesses a curiosity and passion for learning that is uncommon among his peers and to be honest rare among most of my peers as well. He is a voracious reader and an enthusiastic independent scholar so much so that it would be fair to describe him as an Autodidact.

He investigates and critiques not only the beliefs and ideologies of others but he readily examines his own principles and theories especially when presented with new or previously unknown information. In other words, he is occasionally willing to admit that he is wrong which as any parent of teenager can attest is an incredible feat - a beautiful thing.

Most importantly, I believe stimulating his childhood inquisitiveness and cultivating his thirst for knowledge with the Socratic Method has him keenly prepared to avoid common societal misconceptions, evaluate information needed to make sound everyday decisions, cultivate a higher order of thinking and establish his independence as a respected and valued member of society.

The last of these benefits perhaps being the most important of all the good to originate from the introduction to the Socratic Method – my son establishing his independence.

I’m looking forward to being asked again about the thing I’m most proud of and being able to answer “the day my son moved out of my house”. Hey, I’m not being harsh. Everyone knows how much I love my son but let’s keep it real. One of these days, he’s got to go and I only want to have to ask him one, Socratic Method, question when that time arrives. What’s your forwarding address?

---

Are you helping your child develop vigorous intellectual habits that they can apply to live independently throughout their lives? What one thing are you most proud of having taught your child?

In keeping with our anniversary celebratory theme started from our previous post, I thought I should take a moment to remind and restate three significant things about this site. I call these three things the Who, Who and Why.

Who is the Blog Meant For? YOU!

First of all, The Raising Supaman Project is not just a blog.

The Raising Supaman Project is a revolution – an all-out rebellion against today’s absurdly unimaginative parenting tips, yesterday’s dangerously obsolete views about children & parenting and the contemptuous self-absorbed, societal destructive behaviors of today’s adults. Instead of being just a blog, “The Project” is a place where fresh progressive ideas, best tested practices and innovate goal setting that can make each of us better people are shared.

This site is meant for people looking to be better today than they were yesterday, people who want to be better tomorrow than they are today and people who want to be better right here, right now.

“The Project” is the place for you, if you want to be different from the average person – embracing the philosophy that parenting is a profession that requires a never-ending commitment for vigilant improvement, constant big picture societal accountability, deep and abiding respect for all humankind, passionately inspired planning, purposeful preparation and an urgency to be creative and innovative so that individual and collective improvement is always the focus.

Who Should Read This Site? Just about EVERYONE!

The Raising Supaman Project is for everyone. In the words of the Kenny Loggins, “this is it”! Make no mistake, it - The Raising Supaman Project - is the place for you.

It is a place for parents, children, guardians, educators, etc. Anyone and everyone who has a child or who was once a child is welcome to join “The Project”. Whether you are a parent, someone hoping to be a parent one day or even if you are repulsed by the idea of ever being a parent - truly everyone is welcome.

“The Project” is open to everyone regardless of age, ability, gender, race, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, social status or economic standing. There are no restrictions or limitations to being a part of the movement. Well maybe there is one small condition to being involved with “Project”.

You must believe that you can be better – that you can improve from being whatever you are now and being wherever you are at the moment. If when you awoke this morning, you believed that the world was perfect, that you were perfect and that there was no way the world nor you could ever improve, well then “The Project” is not for you.

However, if you are one of the 7 billion imperfect people who have yet to attain flawlessness, who while acknowledging that perfection may be fleeting still believe in the pursuit of perfection, you should stick around and be a part of an uprising to Change the World – to make the world a much better place than it was when you arrived. If you are tired of living in the box and want to not only think outside the box but CRUSH the darn box - replacing the old and stale box with something fresh, different and innovate - you are EXACTLY the person The Raising Supaman Project was intended.

Why Don’t You Want to Be More Exclusive?

The Raising Supaman Project is exclusive. It is intended to solely serve those who want to be better, who believe they can do better and who believe individually and collectively we can change the world. The project is a conduit and incubator to help breathe life into great ideas, to formulate strategies, to ignite passionate action and to fuel world-changing progress.

To do what needs to be done, everyone should have an opportunity to contribute. I believe we all have an abundance of gifts, talents and abilities that far too often remain dormant or underdeveloped. We ignore the effective use of the tools we have been given - at least until much of our life has passed. “The Project” is here to change this.

I believe we routinely discount the importance of being authentic about who we are, taking the time to do those things that really matter, being a real contributor to the “greater societal good” and planning how we intend to be remembered when our time on earth expires. “The Project” is her to discourage this.

I believe we choose – most often unconsciously – to spend far too much time living life doing things we loathe; spending precious and finite time surrounded by insecure, callous and narcissistic people; working in professions and existing in environments that drain us of our originality and creative juices; focusing on the pursuit of stuff (titles, homes, cars, clothes, financial rewards, etc.) instead of pursuing our life affirming passions; allowing others cynical opinions and pessimistic thoughts about us permeate our minds sabotaging our unlimited potential and immeasurable promise; and living as if the very moment we are living is a rehearsal and not the final performance. “The Project” is here to prevent this.

I believe all the aforementioned things are not only detrimental for us but they are detrimental to society. I believe the things we do to ourselves have a sizeable – a domino effect if you will – impact on so many events. I believe much of what we are doing to ourselves directly and greatly impacts the type and quality of children that are being raised today. I believe the future requires that we all must do better and that we all must become better than we currently are. Better parents, better children, better citizens and better caretakers of the planet.

I believe that people need a place where they can go that will encourage them to be great, to assure them at being different is okay, to inspire them to live life with passion, to hold them accountable to doing things that really make a difference, to protect the spirit of living life urgently, to share with them ways to live & love purposefully and to help them accept as an undeniable fact that we each have the responsibility to make the world a better place than it was when we arrived.

Every child needs these things! Every child needs The Raising Supaman Project!

---

Have you still not joined The Raising Supaman Project? What are you waiting for? Don’t tell me that you like living in the cramped box and you are afraid to think outside of it? Subscribe right now and help us make the world a better place – help us change the world.

Do you know what this month is? It’s our anniversary.

In tribute to our second anniversary, I thought I would take a second to remind you how and why this site was launched.

Why the name The Raising Supaman Project

The Raising Supaman Project was born out of the love that I have for my son Naeem whom I affectionately nicknamed - when he was an infant - Supaman. I started calling him Supaman for a couple of reasons.

First, he was a very small child whom I wanted to know that no matter his size he was super to me and I believed that he could and would do super things. Second, I chose to call him Supaman because – well – Superman was already taken and I wanted to distinguish his human supa-ability from the other worldly super abilities of Clark Kent.

Fully recognizing the unlikeliest of probabilities that my son would ever be able to run faster than a speeding bullet, possess more power than a locomotive or have the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, I wanted him to know that he was still super. While, he might never be the fastest, strongest or the greatest leaper in the world, it was paramount that he knew that these realities were not disadvantages or limitations. In fact, I wanted him to know that as far as human limitations were concerned he had none.

Thus, my mission as his father was to make sure that he was prepared to accelerate, out-muscle or rise above any barriers or challenges that might someday confront him. Unbeknownst to me at the time I accepted this parenting mission, I had embarked on a project not simply to be a good father but to raise Supaman – a man who understood that he had divine gifts and talents which the world counted on for him to develop fully and use them to his complete ability for the betterment of society.

Why Start the Blog the Raising Supaman Project

I started the blog initially just to chronicle how much I loved being my son’s father. However, the more I embraced my role and immersed myself fully into this parent-child, father-son journey, I realized that not every parent loved being a parent like me nor understood how important it was to strive to be a committed father as I did.

This recognition was both frightening and sad. I realized that children do not get to pick their parents but mothers and fathers do have the ability and power to decide the quality and type of parent their children will have.

Armed with this understanding of parenting and the love I had for my son, I became convinced that loving my son and raising him to be super alone was not enough. In fact, I began to appreciate just how irresponsible it was for me not to share the things that I had learned as a parent with other parents – the pitfalls, successes, challenges and opportunities.

Moreover, I gathered that if I believed my son had gifts and talents that he should maximize and that he bore a larger responsibility to society - then as his father I too had a larger responsibility. My charge as I understood then and remain convinced today is that I am supposed to help as many parents as possible truly embrace parenting. The hope is that my small contribution may serve as a reminder to parents of our requirement to raise children who will make the world a place we can all be proud of – a world committed to love, peace and happiness.

What Does The Raising Supaman Project Hope to Do?

The goal of The Raising Supaman Project is simple – we hope to change the world.

We believe that we can make a worthwhile and lasting contribution to the world by improving parenting. Our plan is to change the world by improving parenting, one mother/father and one child at a time.

In the words of the late and great Michael Jackson, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror”. In short, I want the world to be a better place, I’ve taken a look at myself and decided to make a change - to get involved.

The Raising Supaman Project is my way of reinforcing my belief that everyone even one fragile person like me can be the catalyst to do something powerful, something transcendent. The Raising Supaman Project is my way of acknowledging that civilization is at a precarious crossroad. Perhaps the world has always been at a dangerous crossroad, but now that I am a father not only do I see the peril at the crossroad but I feel the threatening tremors shaking the foundation of our society beneath us.

All around us, we are constantly being told about the importance of children and that the family is the most important part of the American fabric. Yet children and families are eroding, suffering and dying at increasing numbers every day.

Our societal fabric is falling apart due in large part to poor and nonexistent parenting. Quantifiable and quality family time and purposeful parenting have been replaced by smartphones, video games, tablets, acquisition of stuff, computers, nannies, scheduled visitations, school counselors, pursuit of more stuff, law enforcement, probation officers, drugs & alcohol, psychiatrists, coroners and the discarding of old stuff for more new stuff.

It’s time to make a change. It’s time to reintroduce the world to the most important and truly oldest profession – parenting. Today’s parenting standards are nearly non-existent and those few requirements that do exist are preposterous. As an example, we place greater demands on passing a driver’s education course than we do on procreation and raising children. This philosophy just won’t do any longer.

We can do better. We must be better. We all must look in the mirror. We must make a change NOW!

This is It!

The Raising Supaman Project is a place where we can be better. The Raising Supaman Project is a place where parents and children of all ages can come to be encouraged, enlightened and entertained while exploring ways to be the best parents possible. The Raising Supaman Project is the place where we can collectively work to raise super children who will take the lead to make the world a better place for you and me.

---

 

Have you joined The Raising Supaman Project? If not, there is no better time than right now to subscribe to the “Project” and help us make the world a better place - to help us change the world.

On Saturday afternoon, I was notified by one of the administrators at the Academy that my son would need to meet with the police on Monday morning. This notification caught me completely off guard. I thought all the arrangements that needed to be made had been made and that all the requirements were satisfied. More than just being caught off guard, I can’t begin to tell you just how alarmed I was. The words “meet” and “police” used in the same sentence are simply terrifying. (I’m actually shaking as I write those words.)

Neither my son nor I had done anything wrong. Yet, for some reason or another I started to feel extremely nervous and began to sweat more than I was already sweating under the tropic Brazilian sun. “Meet with the police”, what an uncomfortable foreboding thought. The notion of meeting with police in my neighborhood in the U.S. is scary enough but meeting with the Brazilian Policia Federale evoked an entirely different fear.

Up, Up and Away…Not So Fast

Knowing that my flight was scheduled to depart on Sunday morning, the administrator said the following words to me “no problem, I will take care of your son, he’s my responsibility”. The words the administrator shared are the kinds of promises that parents hear just about every day. On the surface a seemingly harmless expression. Below the surface something entirely different.

For me the words that the administrator spoke were more than a mere expression of concern for my son. To me, those words meant an ultimate sense of duty, a great obligation and the most supreme commitment one person can ever make to me – to care for my child the exact way that I do. Fairly certainly that the administrator was not making the absolute promise to care for my child as I would care for him, I elected to change my flight and pay the ridiculous flight change fee so that I could be present when my son met with the police.

I Wonder

This incident left me pondering when parents outsource their parental responsibilities – as the administrator effortlessly advocated that I do – do parents actually have any idea what we’re in fact negotiating. I wonder if parents even know what the word outsource really means or what it truly means to be parents anymore.

It’s fairly clear that when American corporations outsource, they do so with a clear objective in mind. You might hear a lot of bogus reasons given for outsourcing but the real reason is to enhance profitability: reduce local, state and federal taxes; avoid local, state and federal laws and regulations; reduce operating costs such as utilities; and ease the requirements and restrictions placed on corporations with regard to employees, union involvement and governmentally mandated employee benefits.

But when American parents outsource parenting, what are we hoping to truly accomplish by passing off the care of our child to someone else. Are we looking to enhance financial returns? The answer to this question just might astound you.

Just Like Me

Most of the time when we outsource parenting, we do so acting as if we believe that the contractor will treat and raise our children just as we would. We want to act as if we believe the person who offers to take care for our child for minimum wage will love and care for a child in the same manner as the person who paid a most severe cost – painstakingly suffering through nine months of pregnancy and hours of labor just to bring the child into the world. We want to act as if we believe that an organization that is socio-economically exclusive, reluctantly diverse, that only admits the “best” families and charges exorbitant fees would love and care for a child the way parents should do – unconditionally and absent any regard to cost, race, religion, national origin, gender, ability or social standing.

Do You Believe in Magic

I suppose given our predilection for wanting our children to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy it should come as no surprise that we enjoy a little make-believe in our own lives. You might have noticed the repeated use of the phrase “act as if”. I use this expression to signify our belief in parenting fairy tales.

We try to convince ourselves that outsourcing our parenting responsibilities is a good thing. We participate in our own mental hocus pocus because we are willing to do just about anything to justify farming out parenting and passing our children off to someone else whenever we see fit.

Nine to Five

It’s not enough that we farm out parenting during the work day but we willingly do it before and after work hours. Like the big corporations that leave the shores of the United States to conduct business in a location that will allow greater financial rewards, many of us outsource our parenting obligations and responsibilities solely for greater financial rewards as well.

We ship our preschool aged children off to the nursery at wee hours of the morning so that we can get to work early, climb the corporate ladder and make more money. We enroll our elementary age children in aftercare so that we can stay at work longer, advance our career and buy more stuff. We give our middle school age children a key to oversized house to let themselves in and out before and school so that we can focus on working uninterrupted, getting acclimated to our new job (after the last job turned out to be less than it had promised) and again concentrating all our energies on climbing the corporate ladder. We are late or miss most if not all of the activities that are important to our high school student because of our responsibilities at work, our sense of obligation for colleagues and the necessity to pay for all the stuff we now realize that we didn’t need in the first place.

Cats In The Cradle

Unlike the corporation, who can examine the Income Statement, Balance Sheet and the company’s stock value to know that outsourcing was advantageous, parents do not have this luxury nor similar results. When parents outsource for income, the life’s of our children are thrown out of balance and far too often our children’s opinion of life itself is devalued.

It also should come as no surprise that not only do our children not have time for us when they grow up but our children often times grow to be people whom we don’t know, people whom we don’t want to know and people whom we are not particularly proud of. Such is the risk all parents face when we begin to treat our children as a factory good to be outsourced for the purpose of greater profitability rather than another life to be loved and nurtured.

Before your child grows to be someone you either don’t know, don’t want to know or who you are not particularly proud of, ask yourself the following question before you even consider outsourcing the care of your child to another for any reason:

1. What do I really know about this person – contract laborer?
2. Does this person have any personal, mental, emotional, legal or finanical issues that I would find alarming?
3. Does this person share my philosophy about what it means to be a parent?
4. Does this person have a good, admirable relationship with their own children?
5. Does this person realize how very very very very important my child is to me? (did I say very enough)
6. Does this person have any idea what I would do to them if one small strand of my child’s hair was harmed?
7. Is this person prepared to suffer my wrath if even one small strand of my child’s hair is harmed?
8. Have I made it clear what my expectations are when I leave my child in their care – to love my child identical to the way I love them?
9. Repeat #6 – Does this person have any idea what I would do to them if one small strand of my child’s hair was harmed?
10. Repeat # 7 – Is this person prepared to suffer my wrath if even one small strand of my child’s hair is harmed?

If you can answer yes to all the questions, by all means go ahead and outsource the care of your child to another. However, if you can’t answer yes to all the questions, maybe with the exception to question 4, you better do as I did, stick around and be responsible for your own child. I asked myself the same questions. Now I am still in Brazil but I can assure you that I’m here for my son and not because I’m trying to find out how I can outsource the delicious fruit, great weather, gorgeous beaches or the beautiful women.

 

---

What do you really know about the people you entrust with the care of your children? Are you placing personal profits over what’s in the best interest of your children?

Four airports and counting. Everywhere you turn there is someone holding, carrying, pulling or rolling luggage. Luggage just like people in all colors, shapes and sizes.

In Brazil, I’ve seen luggage in a way that I would never see in the US. Luggage in all types of conditions from brand new to barely resembling luggage at all. Dilapidated luggage only held together by the plastic wrap covering the baggage. Luggage with so much plastic wrapped around it that if one did not know better they might think the luggage was a slab of meat being prepared for the freezer.

Luggage whether it is backpacks, baggage on wheels, suitcases or another instrument to carry your belongings; luggage particularly at an airport connotes something more than clothing packed for a trip. Luggage at an airport seems to be just one of the many items that heightens the appreciation of our relationships, causes us to live in the moment and conveys a feeling of foreboding.

The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself

Foreboding, a strong unpleasant feeling that you have when you sense that something terrible is going to happen very soon. On deeper reflection, foreboding might be a bit too strong of a description. Apprehension may be the better depiction of the look that appears on so many of the faces I have witnessed in the airports.

It doesn’t seem to matter if it was the person traveling or if it was the person staying who is just waving goodbye, one if not both of the people looked outwardly troubled. My sense is that packed in the luggage is not just gear and clothing but an authentic feeling of disappointment and regret.

As the traveler goes through security, the non-traveler watches longingly as if there is some real possibility that they may never see the traveler again. From the elongated embrace to the tunnel vision stares, time seems to stand still for the traveler and non-traveler. Even after the traveler clears security, the traveler and non-traveler – despite being separated by bullet proof glass and security – appear to remain inexplicably and inseparably connected.

What causes this phenomenon? Is it the statistics about plane fatalities? Is it the travelers fear of flying?

Please Don’t Go

I have my suspicions that the airport emotional spectacle that I have witnessed in every airport has little to do with anxiety about plane fatalities or the dread of flying. Sure planes crash and people on the rarest of occasion die from flying but overall air travel is safer than driving.

Given the increased odds of dying from an automobile accident, you might expect us to act similarly each time someone we care about grabs the car keys but we don’t. We drive every day and don’t remotely experience anything like what we undergo when it comes to watching a loved one pack for a flight and prepare to board a plane.

I believe watching someone we care about pack and carry luggage ignites our emotions and provokes some paralyzing feelings deep inside of us. Literally, each personal belonging the traveler places in their luggage is one less item at home with us. Figuratively, the more items packed, the further it feels that the traveler is going away from us. Symbolically, the more things packed, the more convinced we are that the traveler won’t need us any longer or we won’t be a significant part of their life in the fashion we had grown accustomed or worse a realization that we should have treated them better but now it might be too late. A real fear – an impending doom – grows from the slightest probability that their plane could crash which would keep them from ever coming back.

The packed luggage holds an emblematic significance. The filled luggage doesn’t just hold any old belongings for the traveler. The loaded luggage holds the hearts; best and fondest memories for both the traveler and non-traveler.

Every Day Of Our Lives Should Be a Travel Day

The goodbyes I witnessed have been incomparable and inspiring. Hugs so tight that both parties’ hearts began to beat in unison. Stares so intent that an image of the other person was burned into the onlooker’s retina. Kisses so long and passionate that I wanted to yell out “get a room already”. Waves continuing until arm cramps would not allow either party to wave any further. Tears – yes there were many tears – so many tears that planes were being delayed from flash flood warnings.

This travel experience is the way I wish all parents would approach their relationships with their children. The airport spectacle as I am now fond of calling it is the way adults should approach their relationships with those friends and family members we all profess to love.

Instead of complaining about the bed that wasn’t made or the dishes in the sink, maybe just maybe we should embrace each day with our children and with our loved ones as if they are packing to take a trip and about to board an airplane. Maybe if we lived each day with great passion, a true sense of urgency, a sincere gratitude for another chance to be better than yesterday, attention to detail to live a purposeful life and never ever taking a potential traveler for granted, we wouldn’t look so despondent each time someone we care about packs a bag and prepares to board a plane.

Keeping It Real

Keep this reality in front of you. As our children prepare to go off to school each day, there is a greater chance that they will be injured or killed at home before or after school, during the school day, participating in some afterschool activity or while commuting to and from school than there will ever be the likelihood that they would be a casualty of an airplane crash. Given the exceptionally low odds that a loved one would be a victim of a flight crash, why don’t we instead replace the emotional spectacle exhibited at the airport for a similar emotional display each day in our kitchen, living room, family room, basement or in any room that our children or loved ones happen to be?

Life is unlike any other travel destination. Life is a journey that need not be feared when we learn to truly appreciate our loved ones with every breath and begin living in the present. When we live in the moment and with complete appreciation of others, the traveler’s luggage that is packed and carried onto an airplane will only contain the clothes, shoes and other personal effects. The traveler’s heart; best and fondest memories will always remain home with you.

---

Did you embrace your child today the way you would if they were about to board a flight? Are you setting yourself up to live a life of regrets?

Traveling to, through and from domestic and international airports over the last day and a half has assured me of one thing, children everywhere today are lacking a few simple but essentials skills that might make all the difference in the world for them. The skills our children learn today might not only make other adults look forward to seeing them but it might give them a leg up on the competition when the time arrives to apply for college and employment.

Please

James Brown sang about it – Please, please, please.

Sadly, the children today appear to have more familiarity with the Godfather of Soul than they do the main phrase of his song - “please”. Regrettably, when confronted with some of today’s children like James many adults are also singing “please, please, please”. But unlike the Godfather we aren’t begging for the children to stay. Absolutely not! We are begging and pleading for these rude obnoxious children to just go away and to do so immediately.

Relax! When I say that there are many children today who don’t understand the value of the word “please” - of course - I’m not talking about your exceptionally well behaved little prince or princess. (If you could see me, you could see me winking at you.) I’m talking about all the other children who are not raised by you. (Right, wink, wink)

The fact is that many of today’s children have not been taught the importance of this small courtesy. Instead they have an all-out expectation that whatever they want, no matter when they want it, it should be delivered post haste. And as if their expectations were not outlandish enough, they expect this form of immediate reverence to be adhered to by any and all who share their space without ever once having to say the word “please”.

Thank You

Don’t even get me started on the absence of thank you. There was once a time when please and thank you went together like peanut butter and jelly but no more.

Thank you has been replaced with a peculiar look as if you have a couple horns growing out of the top of your head. I’m sure that you have experienced this scenario. It normally occurs when you enter an establishment to purchase some good or service. After you make payment, the youthful employee simply looks at you after they hand you the receipt – like you have horns growing from your head.

If you are like me, you were probably expecting a thank you for making a purchase. You were probably expecting some minimal form of gratitude since the purchase you made adds to their employer’s income which enables the employer to keep the youthful employee employed. Alas, it appears that not only has the young employee missed the etiquette instruction on the importance of “thank you” but it appears that they have also missed the class on business decorum & customer service 101.

I have come to the conclusion when experiencing this all too common occurrence that expecting a “thank you” is about as probable as hearing the words “please”. I must have missed the memo that I should appreciate just being able to live on the same planet with the youth of today.

Age Appropriate Greeting

Once upon a time in a land far far away, children were raised with a philosophy known as “respect your elders”. This obviously out dated, useless ideology which once conferred upon adults a certain reverence for having lived life longer, for paving the way for the opportunities the youth experience and for simply appreciating the value in merely showing honor to your elders has been replaced with “wassup dude”, “what can I get you man” and “here you go guy”.

Wassup is right. Wassup with the children? Dude and guy, are you kidding me. I’m a man. Actually, in the non-PG words of Cedric the Entertainer, I’m a grown (blank) man.

While I never served in the military, I do believe the military gets it correct when they instruct their young men and women to embrace the words “yes/no sir” and “yes/no ma’am”. I never called any of my elders, dude, guy or man and I never will. I still refer to my elders as ma’am and sir. Now that I’m an elder I don’t expect to be called “dude”, “man”, ”guy” or any other marginalized name and especially not by a child.

Why

Now to the why. Why don’t today’s children say please, thank you and yes sir? You guessed it. It always begins and ends the same way - with parenting. Parents we have messed things up once again.

The common courtesies that were ingrained into your existence and done so occassionally with the assistance of the grain of rawhide against your backside have been subtlety eroded. Those old school lessons have deteriorated as we continuously forget the significance of mentoring our children.

Think I’m being harsh. Think my perspective is outrageous. Well consider how parents have behaved since the invention of email and texting. I am of the opinion that these two technological marvels have mysteriously eroded common courtesies.

Think about all the times since the invention and proliferation of texting that you have permitted your child to send someone who either took the time to send them a gift, money or other token of love and affection a text to say thank you. Yes, a stinking text!

Whatever happened to going to the Hallmark store to get a thank you card? Maybe you and your child will get a clue on their next birthday when instead of receiving a toy, clothing, money or some other gift, the disrespected and disillusioned gift giver will wise up and decide to treat you and your child the way you treat them.

How do you think your child will respond, how excited do you expect them to be when on their birthday instead of receiving that thing they have longed for, they receive a text with a pic of the shoes, dress, phone, iPad or other gift they were hoping to receive? How do you expect your child to feel when they receive a text that reads “Merry Christmas, here’s a few dollars for you $$$$$. Don’t spend them all in one place LOL”? I’m going to go out on a limb and guess neither of these scenarios will go over well with your child.

Measure for Measure

Just a quick note, if your child receives a gift teach them the importance of taking the time to do something to show their gratitude. A text or an email are a start but only a start. There is nothing like an old fashioned thank you card that is delivered via the United States Postal Service. If someone thinks enough to spend time and money on your child surely you can teach your child to spend a few dollars on a card and a few minutes addressing and signing the card.

Give Them a Chance

Give your child a huge head start in life over all their peers, teach them these few small things. Teach your children these common courtesies. In the old days, if your child behaved this way, your child would have been seen as just another child. Today, when your child exercises these courtesies, they will be thought to be one of the most well-mannered and polite children around.

Learning and appreciating the value of common courteousness might be the difference between your child receiving the college scholarship and you having to cosign for mortgage sized student loans. Acknowledging and embracing the common courtesies of yesterday might be the difference between your child receiving the favorable job recommendation which sets them on the path to becoming the companies CEO or continuing as the clerk or cashier who refers to the customers as man, dude or guy.

Give your child a chance to be well thought of, give your child the gift of being courteous.

---

When was the last time you sent a written thank you note? Are your children learning to address their elders positively or negatively from you?